I'm a Hypocrite

That's right folks.  I'm a great big hypocrite.  I have been so absorbed in my life and my worries over the last few years that I have forgotten about others.  One of my posts from earlier talked about a friend who wasn't there for me when she said she would be.  It hurt me, but I realized today that I have not been an emotional support to others much either.

I had a friend in college, Amy.  She was a beautiful girl, but struggled with her self esteem.  It hurt me to watch her in her struggle, but I had no clue how to help.  I was young and immature.

I should have just given Amy a hug and told her how amazing she was.  I didn't let her know that our friendship was what was important to me.  Only one time was I there for her when she needed, and that was only because someone had to call and tell me she needed me.

 I got a call from our cheerleading coach in the middle of the night.  Amy was threatening to kill herself.  I had someone get Beth, and I ran to Amy's room.  She was standing in the middle of her tiny room sobbing with two opened pill bottles in her hand.  She was defeated and broken; this was not the party girl I knew.  This was the real Amy.  The one I'm sure I knew was there, but chose to ignore.  The one I was too busy for.  I did the only thing I knew how to do.  I held her.  I was there in time to get her help, but I had ignored Amy far too much in the past to help our friendship.  This is  something I regret to this day.

Amy left college in the middle of our sophomore year, and I haven't talked to her since.  I have her on my Facebook, and I see glimpses of her life now.  A life that is hard.  Amy married a soldier.  She had a beautiful little girl this year, and her husband deployed shortly after birth.  I have commented a few times on how cute her daughter is or that I hope her husband gets home safe, but other than that I have been absent.

I know I can't go to her house and help her with her daughter.  She lives too far away, and my kiddos would make me less of a help and more of a burdon.  What I can do and should have done was offer her kind words from a real friend.  More than a simple public comment; I should have messages her, found her number and called her.  I should have at least let her know that she was in my prayers, and that I think she is an amazing woman and mom.

I knew her husband was deployed.  She was raising her daughter alone, but I again chose to ignore that she may need words of support.  While she was possibly struggling with so many of the things an  Army wife must deal with I was only worried about myself.  I was posting about someone bailing out on my birthday when I have bailed out on Amy twice now and probably more than that.  For this I am sorry, and I am a hypocrite.