Skip to main content

I'm a Hypocrite

That's right folks.  I'm a great big hypocrite.  I have been so absorbed in my life and my worries over the last few years that I have forgotten about others.  One of my posts from earlier talked about a friend who wasn't there for me when she said she would be.  It hurt me, but I realized today that I have not been an emotional support to others much either.

I had a friend in college, Amy.  She was a beautiful girl, but struggled with her self esteem.  It hurt me to watch her in her struggle, but I had no clue how to help.  I was young and immature.

I should have just given Amy a hug and told her how amazing she was.  I didn't let her know that our friendship was what was important to me.  Only one time was I there for her when she needed, and that was only because someone had to call and tell me she needed me.

 I got a call from our cheerleading coach in the middle of the night.  Amy was threatening to kill herself.  I had someone get Beth, and I ran to Amy's room.  She was standing in the middle of her tiny room sobbing with two opened pill bottles in her hand.  She was defeated and broken; this was not the party girl I knew.  This was the real Amy.  The one I'm sure I knew was there, but chose to ignore.  The one I was too busy for.  I did the only thing I knew how to do.  I held her.  I was there in time to get her help, but I had ignored Amy far too much in the past to help our friendship.  This is  something I regret to this day.

Amy left college in the middle of our sophomore year, and I haven't talked to her since.  I have her on my Facebook, and I see glimpses of her life now.  A life that is hard.  Amy married a soldier.  She had a beautiful little girl this year, and her husband deployed shortly after birth.  I have commented a few times on how cute her daughter is or that I hope her husband gets home safe, but other than that I have been absent.

I know I can't go to her house and help her with her daughter.  She lives too far away, and my kiddos would make me less of a help and more of a burdon.  What I can do and should have done was offer her kind words from a real friend.  More than a simple public comment; I should have messages her, found her number and called her.  I should have at least let her know that she was in my prayers, and that I think she is an amazing woman and mom.

I knew her husband was deployed.  She was raising her daughter alone, but I again chose to ignore that she may need words of support.  While she was possibly struggling with so many of the things an  Army wife must deal with I was only worried about myself.  I was posting about someone bailing out on my birthday when I have bailed out on Amy twice now and probably more than that.  For this I am sorry, and I am a hypocrite.


  1. been an army wife is not easy! might me found good friends, and a few that they are not worth to call them friends. If you intend to reestablish your friendship with her again, send her a message. I sure she will answer it back. During hard times, deployments, or any thing that the army life brings to the table, is good to have some cheering words. Thanks for stopping by on Busy Mom Monologues.

  2. I love your honesty. Thank you:) I will begin to follow your blog and look forward to more of your shares!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Failure, Anger and Jealousy

Today hasn't been a good day for me, and I don't know how to turn it around. Right now I'm in my room with tears in my eyes while my kids run wild way after bedtime. 
Today I'm failing. Today I can't get anything done, and I'm just getting mad at everyone. I'm buried at work, and my house looks like a freaking disaster. I'm not talking the over dramatic my house is a mess because I didn't dust last week crap. I'm talking we can't walk through bedrooms without breaking stuff, laundry is has overtaken every room and the floors have who knows what stuck to them. To top it all off, the guy who said he would now for me isn't. It's been over a month since the lawn was mowed, and it looks more like a troll on LSD than a yard. 
Today I'm mad because once again someone said they would do something to help me out, and they have failed to deliver. I was relieved when CJ told me he had someone to mow the lawn. It i one less thing I had to do…

Never A Dull Moment

My house is crazy. Sometimes it's fun crazy and sometimes it's dinner is still on the table at midnight crazy. Crazy is exciting most of the time, but crazy can also be stressful.

Last month was mostly dinner on the table at midnight crazy. It was stressful and hectic and ever changing. I will rewind to around June. CJ was told he would be going to another training. This time it would be around 3 months long, and he would leave in October. Hahahahaha. Funny joke Army. October came and the training was pushed to November then late January. Once January rolled around it was pushed back again to the end of March.

Now that history is been given, I present you with the dumpster fire (fun phrase that one should not use in a work meeting to describe how a case is progressing) that was last month. Once March hit CJ's commander decided he NEEDED him in the state, and the powers that be were convinced to pull him from the training. This was bad since the training also put CJ in a gr…

My Little Bundle of Anger

My little man has always been a Momma's Boy when Daddy is around. Once CJ is gone the tables turn, and my cuddly little man only wants his dad.  He turns into a little wrecking ball of hate and anger, and it breaks my heart.

I've read all the advice that the one who acts up is the one who needs the most love. Great advice, but it's much harder to follow than their flowery articles make it out to be. How the hell am I supposed to give all my attention to Mr. Hate when me and my daughter are starving and dinner needs made? How do I get homework done with my daughter when he is screaming and grabbing the books from us? What do I do in the mornings when I'm going to be super late for work and he is screaming that he doesn't want to get dressed? How much time and attention do I give him before I'm just letting him be a brat?  If you have the answers hold them because I'm going to tell you how I handled this. I probably did it all wrong, but I did it out way.