I, Maggie, take you, CJ, to be my husband; my constant friend; my faithful partner in life and my one true love. On this special day I give you my promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and health, in joy and in sorrow and through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
I, CJ, take you, Maggie, to be my wife; my constant friend; my faithful partner in life and my one true love. On this special day I give you my promise to stay by your side as your faithful husband in sickness and health, in joy and in sorrow and through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
These vows are not merely words on a page. They were not something CJ and I said without considering them and they are not something we forget. These words are to our marriage what the constitution is to the United States of America. These words are what we believe in always. The only exception to this is when our careers say we can not be open with one another, but we both understand that.
In only a little over 6 years of marriage our lives have changed tremendously. I moved from a Patrol Officer to a Detective, had 2 miscarriages and 2 wonderful children. CJ has joined the National Guard, left for months of training and is now at war. If we did not believe in the vows we made to one another at our wedding our marriage would not survive.
Some people say my husband should not have joined, and that it was selfish of him to do that. They talk about how I now have to do all the work, and that he has made no sacrifice. Those assumptions are untrue on many levels.
First, CJ enlisted when we were in the middle of 2 wars. He wanted to serve his country, and he knew he had the ability to provide a necessary service. Yes, it was fulfilling a dream of his, but how is serving your country selfish? He did not do this because he had no other options. He had, and still has, a full time job.
Secondly, he talked to me about this. I understood what this would mean for me, and I told him I supported it. Remember, my vows said I would encourage him in achieving all of his goals. If you didn't it's ok because I did.
Finally, he did make a major sacrifice. If it were up a to him he would have joined full time, but he also remembered our vows. He understood my goals were to be successful in my career. He understood I could not do that if I were moving all the time. He did that for me. Not because I told him he had to, but because he sees how much joy I get from being a detective. Even on the worst days, I love what I do. CJ not only understands how hard I have worked to make it in my career he is proud of my accomplishments and wants me to continue. Our marriage is a give and take. Right now I am giving a little more, but he will have his turn.
While we jump into a lot of things, we really are planners. We each want to further our education. CJ understands that I stood by him while he earned his degree, and that I have not been able to work towards my Master's Degree because of him being gone so much. That is why when he gets home I take priority. I get to go back to school, and CJ gets to worry about meals, kids and cleaning a little more. After that it is his turn for a Master's Degree. Then I get to decide if I want more. If yes it will again be my turn. If no he will get the option.
CJ and I are a a team. Yes, we have our arguments. You can not have two cops married to each other without some epic arguments, but we fight fair. We know what is off limit and we do not say things to hurt one another. Even when we are angry with each other we keep our vows in mind. This is what has kept our marriage strong through all the ups and downs. This is why I know I will be married to him until the day one of us passes. This is why it hurts me so much when other people say things like he should have considered me, he is being selfish or how could he do this to me. He did nothing to me besides love me unconditionally. I married him knowing he would give almost anything to be a military pilot. I chose vows that said we would support each other's goals knowing he is a dreamer whose goals seem unattainable, but he somehow makes them work. That is a huge part of why I love him. I also love him because he is supportive of me. He understands where I want to go with my life and career. He has never told me I can't or shouldn't go for my dreams, and I will not tell him he can't go for his too.