Skip to main content

Accepting When I Have no Control

Keeping my head up when things are rough is hard.  I will admit I had a pity party last night, but today I will keep my head up and accept that sometimes things are out of my control. Sometimes no matter how hard I work at something or how much effort I put forth things may not work out in my favor.

Two weeks ago I turned in a resume and letter for promotion to Detective Lieutenant.  I have been a Detective since 2008 with a 1 year leave of absence.  I also have a degree and 2 years of experience as a Patrol Officer.  The other person whom I considered my real competition started in investigations a year after I did, but has about 8 years of experience as a Patrol Officer.  He does not have a degree.  The job title says degree preferred, but experience can be substituted.  I kind of considered us somewhat equal going into the interviews.

Our interview board consists of 5 Lieutenants and a Captain.  We had the questions before hand to work on, and I rocked the interview.  I know I left some of them speechless, and I know I impressed them all.  I learned later that day that I had scored the highest on the interview.  This was last Friday.  

On Tuesday the former Detective Lieutenant met with me to let me know that I did not get the promotion.  He said all on the board agreed I did the best interview, but they thought the other Detective would do a better job since he has more overall experience in law enforcement.  I think he will do good, but I am somewhat upset (depending on the time maybe a little more than somewhat).

My frustration comes from either my lack of understanding the process or the lack of the department to properly explain what the process would be.  It was my understand that the board would score our interview, and the Chief would be given those scores along with the notes each person took.  I thought it would be up to the Chief to decide how much weight to give to our experience and education.  I thought wrong.  

My frustration also comes from what I perceive as the department wasting my time in order to make the process appear to be unbiased.  The fact is no matter how well anyone did on the interview the decision was made.  If a vote was take pre interview it would have been the same as after the interview.  So why do it in the first place?  I am raising two kids without the help of my husband.  I put them and their needs on the back burner while I worked on answers for the interview.  I stayed up late working on the questions because I didn't have time to in the evenings when the kids did need me.  Had I known the interview really didn't mean anything I would have played more with my kids and went to bed a little earlier.  We are a small department so they all know my situation.  Don't make me jump through pointless hoops.

I the end the other Detective may have still been chosen, but now I have the questions of did I get somewhat unfairly passed over.  I have chosen to not make an issue of the process to the department.  I have talked to my former boss and let him know my concerns as a friend, but I asked that he not push it further.  I know some will say I need to push, but in the end that is not what is best for me.  The decision was made.  If I were to complain my way into the position I would not feel as if I earned it.  I can't even say I disagree with the decision.  I simply disagree with the process.  It was not made clear in the beginning, and it is for that reason I was upset. 

Today is Thursday, and I can say I'm not completely over it. I'm making sure to pray a lot.  This is the same thing I did when I walked into that interview room.  I asked God to give me the words to say. Now I'm asking God for the ability to accept that this is in some way part of his plan.  I'm asking for God to take away the jealousy I have as I see my new boss.  This is out of my hands.  I must look to God for strength and acceptance in this situation. This is something I should be do nights all the time, but we all know when things are going good we tend to rely a little less on God's strength.  I pray every night, but when things are good I'm forgetting to keep my focus on God. So today I will hold my head up and ask God to help me accept what is out of my control.

UPDATE: By around September it was clear that the guy who got the promotion was not doing so well. In November he was moved to a different supervisor position, and in January I was promoted. I have been in my position for 2 years now. The position is the most stressful and challenging thing I have done, but the impact I get to make is worth it. 


  1. Yes, we cannot control everything even if we did everything we can. The most important thing is never give up and always see the positive side in every failure. Keep your faith, there is something great for you always.

    military financial

  2. I can completely understand your frustration. It is hard sometimes to figure out His plan. I hope you start to feel better about it but it takes time so don't be too hard on yourself.
    Angela @ Time with A & N


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Failure, Anger and Jealousy

Today hasn't been a good day for me, and I don't know how to turn it around. Right now I'm in my room with tears in my eyes while my kids run wild way after bedtime. 
Today I'm failing. Today I can't get anything done, and I'm just getting mad at everyone. I'm buried at work, and my house looks like a freaking disaster. I'm not talking the over dramatic my house is a mess because I didn't dust last week crap. I'm talking we can't walk through bedrooms without breaking stuff, laundry is has overtaken every room and the floors have who knows what stuck to them. To top it all off, the guy who said he would now for me isn't. It's been over a month since the lawn was mowed, and it looks more like a troll on LSD than a yard. 
Today I'm mad because once again someone said they would do something to help me out, and they have failed to deliver. I was relieved when CJ told me he had someone to mow the lawn. It i one less thing I had to do…

Never A Dull Moment

My house is crazy. Sometimes it's fun crazy and sometimes it's dinner is still on the table at midnight crazy. Crazy is exciting most of the time, but crazy can also be stressful.

Last month was mostly dinner on the table at midnight crazy. It was stressful and hectic and ever changing. I will rewind to around June. CJ was told he would be going to another training. This time it would be around 3 months long, and he would leave in October. Hahahahaha. Funny joke Army. October came and the training was pushed to November then late January. Once January rolled around it was pushed back again to the end of March.

Now that history is been given, I present you with the dumpster fire (fun phrase that one should not use in a work meeting to describe how a case is progressing) that was last month. Once March hit CJ's commander decided he NEEDED him in the state, and the powers that be were convinced to pull him from the training. This was bad since the training also put CJ in a gr…

My Little Bundle of Anger

My little man has always been a Momma's Boy when Daddy is around. Once CJ is gone the tables turn, and my cuddly little man only wants his dad.  He turns into a little wrecking ball of hate and anger, and it breaks my heart.

I've read all the advice that the one who acts up is the one who needs the most love. Great advice, but it's much harder to follow than their flowery articles make it out to be. How the hell am I supposed to give all my attention to Mr. Hate when me and my daughter are starving and dinner needs made? How do I get homework done with my daughter when he is screaming and grabbing the books from us? What do I do in the mornings when I'm going to be super late for work and he is screaming that he doesn't want to get dressed? How much time and attention do I give him before I'm just letting him be a brat?  If you have the answers hold them because I'm going to tell you how I handled this. I probably did it all wrong, but I did it out way.