The Not So Army Wife

That's right folks.  I'm a great big hypocrite.  I have been so absorbed in my life and my worries over the last few years that I have forgotten about others.  One of my posts from earlier talked about a friend who wasn't there for me when she said she would be.  It hurt me, but I realized today that I have not been an emotional support to others much either. I had a friend in college, Amy.  She was a beautiful girl, but struggled with her self esteem.  It hurt me to watch her in her struggle, but I had no clue how to help.  I was young and immature. I should have just given Amy a hug and told her how amazing she was.  I didn't let her know that our friendship was what was important to me.  Only one time was I there for her when she needed, and that was only because someone had to call and tell me she needed me.  I got a call from our cheerleading coach in the middle of the night.  Amy was threatening to kill herself.  I had someone get Beth, and I ran to Amy'

I love music. When I'm alone at work I've got Pandora on all the time.  I listen to a random mix of everything.  Recently Lady Antebellum's song from Act of Valor, I Was Here,  has been speaking to me.  You can listen to it here  http://youtu.be/BosXKvWTK3g The chorus says what I have felt all my life. I wanna do something that matters Say something different Something that sets the whole world on its ear I wanna do something better With the time I've been given And I wanna try To touch a few hearts in this life Leaving nothing less Than something that says "I was here" When I was in high school doing something different was going to a college where I didn't know anyone.  I could have taken the safe path and gone where all my friends went, but I needed something new and different.  When I began college I was focused on going to law school.  I thought that would be a way I could help others, but I later realized they only get to wor

I, Maggie, take you, CJ, to be my husband; my constant friend; my faithful partner in life and my one true love.  On this special day I give you my promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and health, in joy and in sorrow and through the good times and the bad.  I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live. I, CJ, take you, Maggie, to be my wife; my constant friend; my faithful partner in life and my one true love.  On this special day I give you my promise to stay by your side as your faithful husband in sickness and health, in joy and in sorrow and through the good times and the bad.  I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with yo

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Do I need to say more?  I probably shouldn't, but I will. My kids love Mickey Mouse.  They watch it in the car all the time, and during this week of sick kids I've let them watch it on my laptop as well.  I should note we do not have a television so movie watching is a huge treat for them.  Now back to Mickey.  I don't really watch them, but I am forced to overhear the annoying voices, and the story line.  In two of the movies they watch there is a theme of everyone is a winner.  In one, they have a road rally where nobody loses.  In the other they have a costume party, and everyone gets a ribbon.  They make a big point about everyone winning and no losers.  I know lots of people write on this topic, but since this is my blog I get to write about it too.  Everyone wins is not teaching our children the important skills they need to survive in life.  It is teaching them that working hard and doing minimal work lead to the same results.  They do

As I have said before, I have had the poor me days. The ones where the littlest thing set me off into an hour or more of tears.  They suck, and it is the littlest things that can bring them on.  It seems to me like I am prepared for the big stresses.  It's the little ones that sneak up on me and slap me around. It was my birthday, and the days surrounding my birthday that were my biggest blow.  CJ was leaving the day before my birthday.  He met with his guard unit that day, and on my birthday they flew to Ft. Hood for a few more months worth of training before they left the country.  I was supposed to take off work early the day before he left, and come in late the day he did leave since he wasn't going until around noon. In my world you don't get your hopes up for a day off. When I got to work the day before CJ left I was assigned a missing person case.  I was told to find him before I went home.  That did not happen.  What did happen was I very quickly realized this g

What if the kids don't know their Daddy when he gets back?  I'm assuming nearly anyone who has small children during a deployment asks this question.  My answer is that I make it impossible for them to forget. First of all we talk about daddy every day, and we pray for him each night at bedtime.  It is the same simple prayer, "Dear God, keep Daddy safe so he can come home and see us. Amen." Something that simple is sometimes all it takes to remind my little ones of their Daddy, and teach them to focus on their faith in hard times. CJ is around us all the time.  I copied a picture of him and laminated it so if one of the kids really needs their Daddy they can take him wherever they want.  I have found my son giving it a hut, and both of my kids talk to the picture ever now and then.  It has even made its way to dinner a few times. I've found that my kids want and need different things to remind them of their dad while he is gone.  My daughter wants to know wh

So I shared with you my worst day so far. Now it's time for the day where I shone like a star.  It was yesterday, and it was a day with many bumps in the road.  With each bump I asked for God's help, looked for the good and told myself that these were my choices.  I was where I was at yesterday because I chose that, and at the end of the day I was smiling. I started the day by taking my son to daycare, and staying home with my daughter who was still fighting off being sick.  She was feeling ok so we painted toes, she colored and we were doing good. I got a knock at the door and knew it was a package my husband ordered.  It was replacement blades for a stupid toy helicopter he brought with him.  Apparently it is not enough to fly the real thing.  He also needs to fly toys.  When I got the package I noticed it was torn up, and there was a sticker on it.  It said the package was damaged at receipt, empty at receipt and unsealed at receipt.  The empty part wasn't entirely t

Today I am a freaking rock star!  Today I am not only surviving my husband's deployment to Afghanistan, I am kicking some deployment a$$!  Today I am mom to my 2 and 3-year-old kiddos, and I am Detective to nearly everyone else. I am also covered in buggers from a sick little one! My husband, CJ, is a Black Hawk pilot in the National Guard, and he has just begun what will be around a 9 month deployment. That does not include all of the pre deployment crap he did before. Basically he will have been gone on and off for just over a year once this 9ish months is done. I have tried to read some of the army books for wives.  Nearly all of them suck.  I don't move every few years so get rid of that chapter, money is better when he is activated for Guard duty than for his regular job so the finances chapter can go, and don't tell me to get away or stay with family when things get tough.  I have a freaking career that makes it kind of difficult to just spend a month with relativ

Initially I viewed this deployment as something I would just have to survive, but now I realize that simply surviving is not enough for me. To me surviving means living in dread, disparity and on the verge of losing it at any moment. I refuse to spend even a portion of my life like this. I have had days where I simply survived, and those days make me realize I cannot live this way.  That is easier said than done. It is easy to sit on the couch and think poor me or there is no way on earth I can do this.  I have been there, but I refused to stay there. I realized at a leadership training I went to that I could do more than simply make it through this deployment.  I learned to tell myself that this is the life I chose, and I choose all the stresses that come with my life.  I choose each day to continue in my career.  I chose to become a parent, and it chose to space my children only 15 months apart even though I knew my husband would most likely deploy when they were young.  I did no

Call it a pet peeve or just me being anal, but I hate it when someone calls me ma'am solely because my husband is an officer. I will accept it at formal military things, but I despise it in casual conversation.  I am, in a way, offended by it at times. What the crap? Offended by common curtsies. Yes. Somewhat.  I noticed my aversion to ma'am at Ft. Rucker.  I was trapped in military hell for a year.  All I wanted to do was get back to my career that was on pause for his training and my pregnancy. I was so ready for a badge and a gun and the craziness that is what I love to do.  I did not want to be reminded that in the eyes of the military I was nothing.  I was an accessory for my husband.  I was ma'am solely because he was sir. Warrant officers would come over to study and for a home cooked meal frequently.  Two of them especially became close with us. I liked having them come around, but because of CJ's rank they called me ma'am ALL THE TIME. I asked one, Mr.