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Fear

As I write tonight we have all learned that the US just bombed Syria. For many Americans this means relentless news coverage of the destruction to buildings and occasional heartfelt peices about military families. For those of us who love a soldier it means fear. Constant and sometimes debilitating fear.

Whether your soldier is sitting on the couch next to you or at an unknown location across the ocean, when news like this hits you panic. Your mind goes to every place it shouldn't and you always think the worst. You plan for every twist and turn that any new conflict no matter how big or small will cause. You worry not only about your soldier but about the other soldiers and families you have met along the way. For me, each time I hear of a helicopter crash I listen intently for the names. I pray there isn't one I recognize. My stomach churns and my mind won't stop thinking about it until I know that my soldiers are safe.

This may be one of the few ways I am like the typical military wife. No matter how strong we are, no matter how prepared we are and no matter how much we try to push it aside we all fear the unknowns in our future. We all fear having to console one of our friends while they mourn, and fear can't even begin to describe the emotions we feel when we think of the impossible happening to our husband.

Today I know that CJ is safe at training. I know he isn't on his way to Syria, but I also know that things change with the snap of the finger in the military. I know that he could get home from his cushy training only to have to turn around and leave again. What I don't know is how I make it through another year without him if he gets deployed. I don't know how I can continue my career and care for my kiddos through another deployment. I don't know if he and all of the other soldiers I know and love would make it back this time. All of those unknowns add up to one thing. Mind numbing, and ever present fear.

To those of you who don't have loved ones in the military I ask that you please be patient with those of us that do. Just because our soldier is home or somewhere safe today doesn't mean that we are in the clear. Please understand that each time news of an attack or new conflict breaks, we have to face the ugly facts that our life could be in for some dramatic changes. We need a little more time to absorb what we have heard, and plan how it could affect us no matter where our soldier is at the time the news breaks. If we don't want to talk about it, please leave us alone. If we do talk about our fears, please don't push them aside as being overly worried. Many of us have been through this before, and we know how something little can have a monumental impact on our lives. 


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