The Not So Army Wife

As I write tonight we have all learned that the US just bombed Syria. For many Americans this means relentless news coverage of the destruction to buildings and occasional heartfelt peices about military families. For those of us who love a soldier it means fear. Constant and sometimes debilitating fear. Whether your soldier is sitting on the couch next to you or at an unknown location across the ocean, when news like this hits you panic. Your mind goes to every place it shouldn't and you always think the worst. You plan for every twist and turn that any new conflict no matter how big or small will cause. You worry not only about your soldier but about the other soldiers and families you have met along the way. For me, each time I hear of a helicopter crash I listen intently for the names. I pray there isn't one I recognize. My stomach churns and my mind won't stop thinking about it until I know that my soldiers are safe. This may be one of the few ways I am like the ty...

My little man has always been a Momma's Boy when Daddy is around. Once CJ is gone the tables turn, and my cuddly little man only wants his dad.  He turns into a little wrecking ball of hate and anger, and it breaks my heart. I've read all the advice that the one who acts up is the one who needs the most love. Great advice, but it's much harder to follow than their flowery articles make it out to be. How the hell am I supposed to give all my attention to Mr. Hate when me and my daughter are starving and dinner needs made? How do I get homework done with my daughter when he is screaming and grabbing the books from us? What do I do in the mornings when I'm going to be super late for work and he is screaming that he doesn't want to get dressed? How much time and attention do I give him before I'm just letting him be a brat?  If you have the answers hold them because I'm going to tell you how I handled this. I probably did it all wrong, but I did it out way. ...

My house is crazy. Sometimes it's fun crazy and sometimes it's dinner is still on the table at midnight crazy. Crazy is exciting most of the time, but crazy can also be stressful. Last month was mostly dinner on the table at midnight crazy. It was stressful and hectic and ever changing. I will rewind to around June. CJ was told he would be going to another training. This time it would be around 3 months long, and he would leave in October. Hahahahaha. Funny joke Army. October came and the training was pushed to November then late January. Once January rolled around it was pushed back again to the end of March. Now that history is been given, I present you with the dumpster fire (fun phrase that one should not use in a work meeting to describe how a case is progressing) that was last month. Once March hit CJ's commander decided he NEEDED him in the state, and the powers that be were convinced to pull him from the training. This was bad since the training also put CJ in a...

As with any deployment plans have changed again.  This news is better than the last, but I am being cautiously optimistic CJ and the rest of his unit will be home by Mid-September.  While I am ecstatic CJ will be home and we can begin the next chapter in our lives, I am a little sad as well.  CJ coming home means some of the things I have enjoyed with him gone will come to an end. 1. I love bedtime with the kids.  Some nights it is stressful, but it is our time to cuddle, read books and really be close.  When CJ is home I will have to share the kids again, and I'm not sure I want to all the time. 2. There is a sense of pride that I get whenever I accomplish the littlest of things.  High-five to me when I go to the store with both kids, get everything I need and have no meltdowns.  Plus I'm getting better at this doing it alone stuff so there are more and more high-five moments. 3. The paycheck will be missed.  Let's face it a deployed...

How do I do it?  I get asked this more than I get asked how I'm doing.  I think it is because people are afraid I'm just going to break down and sob. I find the question funny.  How would I not do it?  This is my situation.  I'm alone with my kiddos while my husband is at war.  I don't have time to break down or feel sorry for myself.  I don't have time to drink my worries away.  I typically only finish about half a glass of wine between all my distractions. Tonight I'm sitting on the one couch that isn't covered in unfolded laundry with my back purposely facing away from my sink full of dirty dishes.  I guess that's how I do it.  I don't stress the small stuff.  I will get to it eventually.....maybe, but I know my limits.  I'm exhausted, and I need to sit this evening. I do it by not doing everything, and being content with not being perfect.  I still push myself to the very limits of my physical and emotional capab...

This Sunday I was at the church I grew up in.  While the preacher was new, nearly everything else remained the same.  It was hard sitting there with my parents and kids.  Church is supposed to be a family thing, and I am missing a huge part of mine.  It was in that loneliness and despair from learning of CJ's extension that God decided to speak to me through the sermon.   Forged by fire.  What does it meant exactly?  When a metal is forged by fire it is placed in hot flames, shaped then cooled down.  The intense heat makes the metal playable and easily shaped by the right person.  As the metal cools it is transformed into a much harder, stronger and more pure piece of metal. How does that pertain to a deployment or church one may ask.  Read the scripture below from 1 Peter 1:6-7. So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith ...

I've gotten pretty good at rolling with the punches.  I've had a lot of ups and downs in life.  This deployment has shown me a handful more, but not much could prepare me for what I learned on Thursday.  It rocked me to the point of tears which does not typically happen.  I cried in front of coworkers for the first time ever. I had been at work for a mere 2 hours when CJ asked me if we could FaceTime.  I knew it was going to be bad since he wanted to tell me as close to face to face as possible.  I found a quiet room and quickly called.  The news that followed made me want to puke.  His unit is being reassigned.  Instead of coming home in August they will go to Kuwait.  There is no word on what exactly they will do from there, and more importantly no word on when they will be home.  They may be released when their original orders are up in October, but there is a highly probable chance their orders will be extended.  This ...

It's the little things that stop me every time.  Today it was fireworks.  I was listening to the explosions all around the neighborhood.  I have always loved the sound of fireworks.  They are the sound of freedom! It was in that moment though that I realized my husband is also hearing those sounds, but they definitely do not mean freedom.  For him the explosions are a very real danger, and an all too common occurrence.  I started to wonder what next year will be like.  Will he come back and love the fireworks as much as he used to?  Will we be able to shoot them off with the kids?  What other little things in our life will change when he gets home? As much as I am ready for CJ to be home I am also a bit apprehensive.  I know we have both changed and grown this past year.  We had to to survive the situations we have been in.  I know we will make it through, but I worry about the bumps in the road ahead of us. ...

I recently read an article by Rebecca Rose on http://rockfordparent.com.  Her article was entitled You know you are a working mom when..... I'm not so into her list.  It is far too negative for me so here is my own list. You know you're a working mom when..... You set really high goals for yourself, and you demand the best of yourself every day as a wife, mother, professional and friend.  You may have days where you can't be everything to everyone, but you have expertly learned to prioritize and make sure your goals are eventually met and all needs are met as they arise. You know you're a working mom when.... You feel like you have to complete a marathon in sprint pace every morning.  (This I agree with her on).  Mornings are tough, and it seems like no matter how early I get up a curveball is thrown and I'm late.  Oh well...better luck tomorrow.  I also know this will change drastically when CJ is home from deployment.  A little help with d...

Yes, CJ's deployment is hard, but there are some positives to it.  Here is my humble list of great things about deployment. 1. Money!  CJ makes more when he is on orders than he does at his full time job.  I'm using this deployment to destroy our credit cards and stash a little money in savings. 2. Less mess.  My husband isn't disgusting, but he leaves a trail.  A soda bottle here, a candy wrapper there.  I don't have those to clean up, and it is so nice.  This also applies to the laundry.  There is so much less when he is gone. 3.  No fighting over music.  I can listen to whatever I want whenever I want.  CJ listens to hard rock, and is listen to everything but that.  We typically have to turn off the car radio on any trip to avoid throwing punches. 4. The kids think I'm awesome.  With only one parent they have to forgive me when I have gotten after them.  There isn't the option to be consoled by another pare...

I'm not sure if apathy is the right word to describe how I feel about this war since I really do care especially with CJ over there now, but I don't know how else to describe it.  I almost feel as if war and terrorism have been so much a part of my life that CJ being at war is normal. Maybe it is just me, but is have a feeling that many my age feel the same way.  Our first glimpse of war came as we were starting elementary school in the form of the Persian Gulf War.  Images of air strikes and reporters throwing on gas masks were permanently burned into my young mind. Next was the Battle of Mogadishu.  I was in third grade, and I remember the pictures of the American Soldiers' corpses as they were dragged through the streets of a foreign country.  I remember the pictures of Mike Durante beaten, but alive.  I remember it was war.  It was horrible, but normal. When I think of terrorism on American Soil there is not one image that pops into my mind. ...

I missed two books in my earlier post, and editing on an iPad is a major pain.  Both of these books are really good which is why I am taking the time to make sure they are added. Hero Dad by Melinda Hardin http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761457135/ref=oh_details_o01_s01_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 My kids like the idea of superheroes like most kids do.  This book compares what superheroes do and have to what their daddy does and has.  Like how their daddy doesn't have x-Ray vision, but he does have night vision.  I like it because the kids get to see what kinds of things soldiers have and do while deployed. My Dad's a Hero by Rebecca Christiansen and Jewel Armstrong http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1595712097/ref=oh_details_o02_s01_i03?ie=UTF8&psc=1 While not as good as Hero Dad , I'm glad I have this one in the collection.  My daughter isn't much of a fan, but my son and I both like it.  I need to do a little cleaning and figure out where this on...