The Not So Army Wife

Today hasn't been a good day for me, and I don't know how to turn it around. Right now I'm in my room with tears in my eyes while my kids run wild way after bedtime.  Today I'm failing. Today I can't get anything done, and I'm just getting mad at everyone. I'm buried at work, and my house looks like a freaking disaster. I'm not talking the over dramatic my house is a mess because I didn't dust last week crap. I'm talking we can't walk through bedrooms without breaking stuff, laundry is has overtaken every room and the floors have who knows what stuck to them. To top it all off, the guy who said he would now for me isn't. It's been over a month since the lawn was mowed, and it looks more like a troll on LSD than a yard.  Today I'm mad because once again someone said they would do something to help me out, and they have failed to deliver. I was relieved when CJ told me he had someone to mow the lawn. It i one less thing I had ...

Sometimes the war is never over, and that is exactly how I feel right now. It has been almost 7 months since CJ has gotten home, and a lot of the time it is great. The other times it's dreadful. He is distant and angry. I never know what will set him off so I spend my time avoiding him. It's like we are still living our deployment lives, but in the same house. I'm living on an island and my husband is only a visitor. Some days he is a welcome guest full of laughs and love. Other times he is an invader. His presence is a disruption, and his outbursts of anger keep even our preschoolers on edge. It's not that h is unaware of it, but his awareness isn't enough. While I appreciate the apologies it doesn't make life around here any easier. Since he has gotten back, it seems like CJ can't handle stress. If he gets more than one thing on his plate his world comes to a screeching halt. When he was gone all he had to worry about was the war. He was a soldier and ...

I've gotten pretty good at rolling with the punches.  I've had a lot of ups and downs in life.  This deployment has shown me a handful more, but not much could prepare me for what I learned on Thursday.  It rocked me to the point of tears which does not typically happen.  I cried in front of coworkers for the first time ever. I had been at work for a mere 2 hours when CJ asked me if we could FaceTime.  I knew it was going to be bad since he wanted to tell me as close to face to face as possible.  I found a quiet room and quickly called.  The news that followed made me want to puke.  His unit is being reassigned.  Instead of coming home in August they will go to Kuwait.  There is no word on what exactly they will do from there, and more importantly no word on when they will be home.  They may be released when their original orders are up in October, but there is a highly probable chance their orders will be extended.  This ...

I had a conversation the other day with one of our new female officers.  She is a great girl and very eager to learn, but she has been having some problems lately.  Unfortunately they are problems many females in law enforcement face.  It's sexual harassment, but not by her employer or coworkers.  This harassment comes from "The Wives", and it is painful. Law enforcement is a dysfunctional family.  I love the men I work with like I love my own brothers and uncles.  We have bonded, and we have a lot of shared stories and experiences. I can't explain this bond, and unfortunately many of the wives don't understand it or are jealous of it.  Especially when it comes to female officers. When I first started I was 22 years old.  I was put on a crew with 3 really great officers who taught me a lot, but they had to be careful.  If they were seen stopped talking to me too much by their wives or wives friends they would hear about it.  If their...