The Not So Army Wife

Sometimes the war is never over, and that is exactly how I feel right now. It has been almost 7 months since CJ has gotten home, and a lot of the time it is great. The other times it's dreadful. He is distant and angry. I never know what will set him off so I spend my time avoiding him. It's like we are still living our deployment lives, but in the same house. I'm living on an island and my husband is only a visitor. Some days he is a welcome guest full of laughs and love. Other times he is an invader. His presence is a disruption, and his outbursts of anger keep even our preschoolers on edge. It's not that h is unaware of it, but his awareness isn't enough. While I appreciate the apologies it doesn't make life around here any easier. Since he has gotten back, it seems like CJ can't handle stress. If he gets more than one thing on his plate his world comes to a screeching halt. When he was gone all he had to worry about was the war. He was a soldier and ...

As with any deployment plans have changed again.  This news is better than the last, but I am being cautiously optimistic CJ and the rest of his unit will be home by Mid-September.  While I am ecstatic CJ will be home and we can begin the next chapter in our lives, I am a little sad as well.  CJ coming home means some of the things I have enjoyed with him gone will come to an end. 1. I love bedtime with the kids.  Some nights it is stressful, but it is our time to cuddle, read books and really be close.  When CJ is home I will have to share the kids again, and I'm not sure I want to all the time. 2. There is a sense of pride that I get whenever I accomplish the littlest of things.  High-five to me when I go to the store with both kids, get everything I need and have no meltdowns.  Plus I'm getting better at this doing it alone stuff so there are more and more high-five moments. 3. The paycheck will be missed.  Let's face it a deployed...

It's the little things that stop me every time.  Today it was fireworks.  I was listening to the explosions all around the neighborhood.  I have always loved the sound of fireworks.  They are the sound of freedom! It was in that moment though that I realized my husband is also hearing those sounds, but they definitely do not mean freedom.  For him the explosions are a very real danger, and an all too common occurrence.  I started to wonder what next year will be like.  Will he come back and love the fireworks as much as he used to?  Will we be able to shoot them off with the kids?  What other little things in our life will change when he gets home? As much as I am ready for CJ to be home I am also a bit apprehensive.  I know we have both changed and grown this past year.  We had to to survive the situations we have been in.  I know we will make it through, but I worry about the bumps in the road ahead of us. ...