The Not So Army Wife

As I have said before, I have had the poor me days. The ones where the littlest thing set me off into an hour or more of tears.  They suck, and it is the littlest things that can bring them on.  It seems to me like I am prepared for the big stresses.  It's the little ones that sneak up on me and slap me around. It was my birthday, and the days surrounding my birthday that were my biggest blow.  CJ was leaving the day before my birthday.  He met with his guard unit that day, and on my birthday they flew to Ft. Hood for a few more months worth of training before they left the country.  I was supposed to take off work early the day before he left, and come in late the day he did leave since he wasn't going until around noon. In my world you don't get your hopes up for a day off. When I got to work the day before CJ left I was assigned a missing person case.  I was told to find him before I went home.  That did not happen.  What did happen wa...

So I shared with you my worst day so far. Now it's time for the day where I shone like a star.  It was yesterday, and it was a day with many bumps in the road.  With each bump I asked for God's help, looked for the good and told myself that these were my choices.  I was where I was at yesterday because I chose that, and at the end of the day I was smiling. I started the day by taking my son to daycare, and staying home with my daughter who was still fighting off being sick.  She was feeling ok so we painted toes, she colored and we were doing good. I got a knock at the door and knew it was a package my husband ordered.  It was replacement blades for a stupid toy helicopter he brought with him.  Apparently it is not enough to fly the real thing.  He also needs to fly toys.  When I got the package I noticed it was torn up, and there was a sticker on it.  It said the package was damaged at receipt, empty at receipt and unsealed at receipt. ...

Initially I viewed this deployment as something I would just have to survive, but now I realize that simply surviving is not enough for me. To me surviving means living in dread, disparity and on the verge of losing it at any moment. I refuse to spend even a portion of my life like this. I have had days where I simply survived, and those days make me realize I cannot live this way.  That is easier said than done. It is easy to sit on the couch and think poor me or there is no way on earth I can do this.  I have been there, but I refused to stay there. I realized at a leadership training I went to that I could do more than simply make it through this deployment.  I learned to tell myself that this is the life I chose, and I choose all the stresses that come with my life.  I choose each day to continue in my career.  I chose to become a parent, and it chose to space my children only 15 months apart even though I knew my husband would most likely deploy when th...